The Snap of a Stick

In order to establish some sort of normalcy around here I’m going to talk about one of our favorite subjects – SEX.

Last night GBF texted me and said that he had a problem. He said that he was “flustered.” When gays say that it could mean a butt load of shit. Like some guy winked at you or some guy accidently brushed into you on your way in the bathroom or the new Coach wallet is on sale- 20% off or some shit.

Here for you, dear reader, is the entire text message conversation between GBF and I- 

“You’ll never believe what happened to me” -GBF.

“You accepted Jesus into your heart? You broke a Jimmy Choo shoe? You moved down to Texas so I don’t have to be the only gay here?” – ME.

“No. No. No. Def not that last one.”

“Then what… I have to say I’m perplexed.”

“I walked into the restroom at Olive Garden and there was some man taking a picture of his…”

“His? Breadtsicks?”

“BreadSTICK.”

“NO! WHAT AN EVIL BASTARD! To deface Olive Garden like that!”

“I’m not sure what he was doing or who he was sending it to but he started laughing.”

“At you or his stick?”

“At the message I think?”

“Was it small?”

“I only say the side of it.” -GBF

“Was it long?” - ME

“Not bad. Long enough where it would hurt for a few days.”

“OOH”

“But then he asked me to take a picture WITH HIM. JOE I DIDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO?”

“Was the stick out or in?”

“In”

“Did you take a picture with him?” - ME

“Did Kim K dye her hair?” - GBF

“Good point.”

“He was really cute too.”

“Then what happened? Did you share what you were having?  Try the Chicken Alfredo its mad good.”

“No…”

 Pause. I kinda forgot to answer him back. OOPS.

“But then he kissed me.” - GBF

“WHAT. You slut.” - ME

“Yeah. On the lips.”

“Talk about going to third base back to first.”

“Then he said I'm getting back at my ex-boyfriend… the bastard cheated on me. What should I do?”

“Okay listen to me. Did you finish your food?”

“Not yet”

“Go back and finish.”

“Then what?”

“Then nothing you selfish bastard you just ate. Go home.”

This says something about me, if I can be narcissistic for just a moment, I’ll be there when a friend is in need in a SNAP OF A STICK.

FIN.